this beer tastes like vomit already
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
