But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
