I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
