on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
