I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
