i just wanna soil my oats bro
...so i touched it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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