but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize