my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
