I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
