I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
