The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She said her name was "party"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
