I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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