My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize