i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize