i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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