I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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