how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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