idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
