saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Houston, we have a blender
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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