It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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