Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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