New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
