I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
