We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
