hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
