Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize