can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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