Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
