My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
