Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
