Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
