After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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