her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We named our party play list daddy issues
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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