I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
