I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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