Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
