that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
