I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
