I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
