I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
