Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
