I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
