my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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