what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
