What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
