She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
