I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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