OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
