I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's official drugs can't kill me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
