I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
