Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
