One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
