Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
