Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
