I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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