and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
