Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
