A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
