The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
