Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
