i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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