But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
