did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
