I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The Olympian is in my bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
