OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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