i think i have two assholes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found the puke drawer
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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