walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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