Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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