Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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