As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
