He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
