I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize