I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
