You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just want to make out with him forever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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