i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
