Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
