this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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