One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
