if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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