she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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