Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
